I joined the Royal Navy at the age of sixteen as a submariner and served for 21 years, firstly as a Sonar Analyst and then as a Submarine Coxswain. In 2007 on operations under the Arctic ice cap I was involved in a catastrophic event in which an explosion killed two of my colleagues, one of whom was a close friend.

In 2017, after a second traumatic event, my mental health spiralled downwards and I was diagnosed with late onset PTSD. I undertook a number of treatments, but they further added to my trauma. I continued to deteriorate and struggled with excessive alcohol use, and was medically discharged in 2019. I felt really let down in how my symptoms and care had been managed so raised a medical negligence case. This compounded my anxiety and stress.

A week after discharge my mother passed away in traumatic circumstances and I attempted CPR to save her. It was an enormous struggle to adapt to both civilian life and the loss of my mother, all whilst the COVID 19 pandemic constrained contact with others. After 18 months I managed to gain a further qualification to allow me to start training as a paramedic through university, but I relapsed and eventually had to stop the programme. I felt extremely isolated and lonely, and my negative behaviours and binge drinking escalated. I came off all social media thinking it would be a positive move but it left me even more alone. I realised I missed the things that had driven me in life – being at sea and the military environment. I felt at rock bottom and smashed to pieces.

I had previously contacted Turn to Starboard but because of the pandemic and my difficult personal circumstances I couldn’t engage fully until Jan 2022. I sailed for one week initially, and then returned in May to join ‘The Tudor Run’ on its return leg from London to Falmouth. My anxiety meant I couldn’t join the boat in London, but T2S tailored a solution for me to join in Portsmouth. 

The sea and sailing combined offered a very different and challenging environment, which I had missed, and allowed me to reintegrate with like-minded and empathetic colleagues. It’s easier to chat at sea, share experiences, decompress, and provide a network for each other. It starts to give you your confidence back and for me it’s being back at sea where I feel at home.

T2S has always been there since I engaged with them in 2018, and they have given me opportunities to sail when things have just gotten too much. They are also there for the good times too, and it’s a great way to rebuild your confidence and redefine your purpose in life. For me it’s a reason to be proud and get out of bed each day. 

I’ve tried a lot for my recovery, but it is here I’ve finally found something that has given me back my sense of worth. It is my ambition to become a Yachtmaster Skipper, so that I can inspire others to move forwards as well.